a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
