I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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