Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
