Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
