Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
