yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I forgot how hot balto sounded
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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