I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
