She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
