My girlfriend figured out who you are.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
