I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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