You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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