Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
