he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
