Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
