capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
