pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
