I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
