i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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