he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
