i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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