Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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