Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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