if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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