Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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