im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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