i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
