the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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