Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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