Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
dude. I can hear the air.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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