the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
