I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
