THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
