I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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