Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
