Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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