You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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