oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
