her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
