I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
