Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
