I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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