I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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