and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
