I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
