OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
