Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
