I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
