I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
