and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
