We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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